Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
