apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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