I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
