I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
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Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
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He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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