So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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