chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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