I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
