Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Someone came in the potted fern
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
