Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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