All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
