I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
