just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
