i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Enjoy the penises
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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