when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
