i just sent this text using only my big toe
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
