JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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