4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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