On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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