that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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