??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
