how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
