i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
