Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
