ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
