a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
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Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
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They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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