Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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