Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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