guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
