Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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