I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
