A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
