i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
