I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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