this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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