Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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