He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
the liver wants what the liver wants
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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