just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
