There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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