yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize