She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
