why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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