I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
