I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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