i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
