I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
