we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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