I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
