dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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