so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize