ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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