If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm determined to sit on that face.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
