Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
