u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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