Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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