So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
