tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
