I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
