It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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