apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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