I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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