Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
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Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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