am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Someone came in the potted fern
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
