The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
