oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
