Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
