ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
