she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
