giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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