yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
