so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
