he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
