the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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