You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
