I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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