Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
