my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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