u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
