Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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