This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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