Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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