I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize