I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
