His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
only you would photoshop your dick
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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